BREAKING: Chip Kelly Sneezed (This Training Camp is Boring)

BY PAUL MANCANO—Last Friday, Eagles cornerback Cary “Loud Mouth” Williams opened that loud mouth for which he has been nicknamed—by me, just now—and called the Patriots cheaters. Oh, and Chip Kelly sneezed. And that just about wraps up the news from Eagles training camp.

It’s been quiet at training camp recently. Eerily quiet. Like the calm-before-the-storm. Like Nick-Foles-is-about-to-break-his-collarbone quiet. Like Zack-Ertz-is-about-to-get-arrested-for-soliciting-a-prostitute quiet. Something’s gotta go wrong, right? Wrong…right?

We’ve been so accustomed to high-drama camps in recent years. In 2011, it was the Dream Team that stole headlines. In 2012, it was the tragic passing of Garrett Reid. Last year, it was the arrival of Chip Kelly, the quarterback battle, Jeremy Maclin’s Acey El, and of course, the coming out party of Riley “The Racist” Cooper. (Side note: That video is the ultimate testament to the 130718113743-nfl-training-camp-2013-chip-kelly-single-image-cutfact that you should never film anything at a concert ever. Anything you record won’t sound nearly as good the next morning. Especially racist slurs. Then again, racist slurs never sound good. Ever. Cause racism is bad. I’m gonna stop now.)

Things are different this year. No quarterback duel. No major offseason acquisitions. No hyped up draft picks. No new system. Just drills and practicing and running and techniquing. Ya know, training. It’s just… so….BORING.

Training camp remains the one part of the NFL that ESPN just can’t hype up. They’ve turned the draft, the start of free agency, the preseason, and even the combine into events. But they just can’t hype up training camp. Why? Because it’s boring! Nobody wants to hear about how much Matthew Stafford loves his new offense! We want to see him play football, dammit! Nobody wants to hear about Johnny Manziel battling Brian Hoyer! We want to see Johnny Manziel play football, dammit! Or tweet pictures of himself with Justin Beiber. Equally entertaining.

I’m glad this Eagles training camp is boring. It means we’ve a solid quarterback. It means we’re almost entirely healthy. It means we don’t have locker room headaches. We’re calm. We’re collected. We’re focused.

This preseason will likely be equally boring. Maybe Roc Carmichael will tweet a picture of himself with a blunt. Or Todd Herremans will get brought in for public urination or something. But probably not. Just wake me up when September starts.


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